All right, so you’re lazy, that is who you’re choosing to be. While you aren’t too far away from being slapped with a “get your shit straight” and “stop being a little bitch” fine here, let’s assume that laziness is a serious condition and that you can’t simply snap out of it. In that case, you need a coherent plan that will allow you to reach your fitness goals, and maybe even become more disciplined in the process.
Let us assume that you are finding it way too difficult to go to the gym frequently in the pursuit of a sculpted physique and that eating healthy is as strange and difficult to grasp as nuclear physics.
Today, we are going to break it all down into bite-size steps, and help you (almost) effortlessly lose weight. Mind you, there is no short and sweet solution to your conundrum, so get ready to step out of your comfort zone. Worry not, it’ll be worth the effort.
Don’t be skinny, be a buff badass
First things first – being lazy and losing weight doesn’t work well together. Not just because your metabolism is slow, but because lounging on the couch and eating nothing will get you nowhere.
In fact, you physique might even get worse. You might develop a dad-bod! This cannot happen. So rather than looking to just lose weight through starvation, you want to be working towards sculpting a physique worthy of a real man. This means doing a bit of cardio (more on that later), but more importantly, emphasizing strength and hypertrophy (muscle building) training.
Don’t worry, you needn’t spend countless hours in the gym curling a pair of dumbbells into infinity, you just need to pair a sound strength program with high-rep accessory work to expand your frame, burn fat, and let the fat you do have sit more evenly across your body. How often do you think you can realistically manage to go to the gym on a weekly basis? If the answer is fewer times than two, then it’s time you unstuck your head out of your ass, read a blog about discipline, and even get in touch with a personal trainer. If you can’t find the willpower, he’s sure to whip you into shape.
But don’t forget cardio either
Cardio is not the be-all-end-all of fat loss. However, it is an essential element that will help you burn fat more efficiently. Meaning you won’t have to sweat for hours on end to see results. After all, it’s not the way of the lazy folk. Lucky for you, steady-state cardio has been proven far inferior to HIIT cardio and other methods of fat loss training, so a quick 10-15 minute sweat session is all you’ll have to endure.
In fact, by incorporating HIIT training properly into your weekly routine, you will be able to see faster results than with traditional training methods and even reach 10% body fat in the near future. Couple your easy workout schedule with a healthy diet plan, and you will be on your way to the body of your dreams. This leads us to the next crucial point.
You can be lazy, and track your macros
Adhering to a healthy eating regime might seem like an overwhelming burden, but the reality is that even the laziest couch-potato can do it with enough willpower and a single dream. In fact, the lazy dude’s healthy eating routine has only a handful of steps, with almost all of the benefits that a certified fitness nut would get out of his strict diet plan. The key is to know your macros. While you shouldn’t look at different foods as equal sources of nutrients, because they aren’t, you should stick to a simple IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) mindset.
Yes, kale is healthy for you, but you can absolutely achieve the body of your dreams if you simply stick to consuming the right amount of calories and macronutrients for your needs. No, in case you were wondering, that doesn’t allow you to keep eating junk food. What you want to do is to simply use an online calculator to assess your daily caloric needs, break them down into proteins, fats, and carbohydrates, and just look at the damn label before you buy something.
How hard can it be? Plus, with all of these fitness apps available for Android and IOS, what’s stopping you from staying on the right track? Aim for losing a pound of body fat per week, and adjust your calories accordingly.
Find your active passion
As a lazy dude, your best bet at getting your ass off the couch is to find a source of true motivation. But it can’t just be one source, you’re too lazy for that to work, it needs to be several sources of motivation, including visual, contextual, and internal.
First, you want to find the image that tingles your ego and makes you want to achieve it for yourself. This can be a fitness guru, or a motivational video, or even a person you want to impress.
With a spark of awakening in your eyes, you want to find your active passion and let it consume and overwhelm you. Meaning that, if working out alone is not your thing, you can take up one, or even several interesting group fitness classes per week or work out with a personal fitness trainer; that way others can motivate you to keep going.
Likewise, perhaps you can’t stand the thought of cardio, so you can stick to weight training and eating healthy. The possibilities are numerous, and your transformation journey doesn’t even have to involve the gym at all. By finding your active passion, you will make the transition into an active lifestyle infinitely easier. With the visual and contextual sources of motivation in place, it’s time to take a long, hard look inside.
Believe it or not, it all begins and ends with you, and no one can influence you to achieve your goals but yourself. Envisioning where you want to end up is not that difficult, and it doesn’t require much effort or time, but it can make a tremendous impact on your life. So take a body you admire, and put your head on it; it’s as simple as that, and it should be enough to keep you off the couch long enough for you to make some noticeable gains.
Master the art of meal preparation
Did you notice by now that the purpose of you reading this is not to remain lazy but to slowly transform your life into an adventure riddled with success and happiness at every turn?
Alas, there can be no true happiness or success in laziness. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. So this step is not exactly meant to uphold your sedentary lifestyle, but rather to slowly deconstruct it and set you on the path to greatness. Meal preparation is not as difficult or time-consuming as it may seem at first glance, as it only requires you to devote a single lazy Sunday afternoon to preparing healthy meals for the upcoming week.
Preparing your meals in advance has numerous benefits, and will do wonders for your physique and long-term health. The steps are easy enough, entailing a grocery haul, getting the right tools for the job, and firing up several grills at once to cut down on cooking time. Divide your food sources into meal containers, pop them in the fridge, and you will have several days’ worth of healthy meals to keep you from reaching towards unhealthy snacks and junk food. And speaking of junk food.
Throw out the unhealthy temptations
One of the most important steps in successfully losing weight, no matter if you’re disciplined like a Shaolin monk or as lazy as a sloth blocking traffic, is eliminating the unhealthy temptations in your life.
And your best bet is to go cold turkey on this one; otherwise, you will slowly but surely regress back into your former routine. When we talk about unhealthy vices, we do mean everything.
From junk food to sugary drinks and artificial sweeteners; from smoking to alcohol – there is no place for any of this in your new life, and all it takes is the willpower to change your ways. So throw it all out in one go, and replace it with nutritious and healthy snacks, lean meats, and good fat sources.
Up your water intake
Finally, it can’t be too hard to simply up your daily water intake, can it? Especially when you consider the fact that it can do wonders for your weight loss goals. The majority of people aren’t drinking enough pure aqua as it is; oh, and you can forget about that “drink only when you feel thirsty” bullshit.
Yes, your body is going to tell you when you’re thirsty, but oftentimes that means you’re already under-hydrated. Under-hydration (not to be confused with dehydration) can significantly impede your energy levels, mental clarity, and focus, and make you feel hungrier than you actually are. Simply stick to drinking more water during the day, and you will feel sated longer. This will help you cut down on your total calorie consumption with little to no effort.
If you thought you would come here to learn how to cheat at life and remain lazy while achieving success, you were sorely mistaken. This is all about transforming your daily habits and giving you the tools to become the best, most badass version of yourself other men will envy and women will want to get to know. So take it slow, stick with these powerful tips, and for the love of god, be a man.